Work with your feelings
The anger iceberg
Anger is the part that shows above the water — the part everyone sees. But under the surface, quieter feelings are usually doing the real driving. This helps you look under your own anger and hear what it’s trying to tell you.
Anger is not the enemy
Anger is valid, and it’s useful — it points at something that matters to you. The aim here isn’t to squash it, but to hear the message underneath it, so you can respond from a steadier, truer place.
1
Look under the waterline
“Anger” sits at the tip. Tap any of the feelings below the water that fit your anger right now — pick as many as feel true.
Under the surface
2
What happened that made you angry?
Just the moment — where you were, who was there, what set it off.
3
What’s underneath the anger for you right now?
Look under the waterline. What softer feeling is the anger protecting?
4
What do you actually need here?
Not what you want to do in the heat of it — what the softer feeling is asking for.
5
What’s one thing you could say or do from that softer place instead?
Something small and honest — a sentence, a boundary, a pause. From the need, not the heat.
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