For grown-ups
For parents & caregivers
Recognizing the signs, by age
What’s typical looks different at every stage. The thread that runs through all of them: watch for lasting changes that get in the way of daily life — not one hard day, but a new pattern that sticks around for a couple of weeks or more.
Toddlers & preschoolers
Ages 1–5
Little kids feel big things and don't yet have the words for them. Tantrums, clinginess, and fears are a normal part of learning to handle emotions.
Usually part of growing up
- Tantrums and meltdowns, especially when tired or hungry
- Separation anxiety at drop-off
- Fears of the dark, monsters, or loud noises
- Big feelings that pass quickly once comforted
Worth a closer look
- Losing skills they had already mastered (words, potty training)
- Not making eye contact or responding to their name
- Extreme, frequent tantrums that are very hard to soothe
- Very little interest in playing or connecting with others
- Not using words or gestures to communicate by age 2
School-age children
Ages 6–12
As kids take on school and friendships, worries about performance, fitting in, and fairness are common. Watch for changes that stick around and get in the way of daily life.
Usually part of growing up
- Nervousness before a test, a game, or a new situation
- Occasional friendship ups and downs
- Wanting more independence, then wanting comfort
- Being upset by big changes, then adjusting over a few weeks
Worth a closer look
- Frequent stomachaches or headaches with no medical cause
- Refusing or dreading school most days
- A lasting drop in grades, focus, or motivation
- Pulling away from friends and activities they used to enjoy
- Big changes in sleep, appetite, or energy
- Talking about being worthless, or wishing they weren't here
Teenagers
Ages 13–18
Moodiness, more privacy, and pulling toward friends over family are all part of healthy teen development. The concern is a lasting change in how they function — at home, at school, and with friends.
Usually part of growing up
- Wanting more privacy and time with friends
- Stronger emotions and occasional irritability
- Questioning rules, values, and identity
- Some worry about grades, looks, and belonging
Worth a closer look
- Withdrawing from friends, family, and things they used to love
- A lasting change in mood, sleep, weight, or hygiene
- Falling grades or skipping school
- New secrecy around substances, or signs of vaping/drinking
- Self-harm (cuts, burns) or talk of death or suicide
- Extreme dieting, over-exercising, or worry about weight
How to talk to kids about mental health
You don’t need the perfect words. Kids remember that you showed up and listened far more than exactly what you said.
1Pick a low-pressure moment
Hard conversations go easier side-by-side, not face-to-face — in the car, on a walk, or while making dinner. No eye contact takes the pressure off.
2Ask open questions
Trade “Did you have a good day?” for “What was the best and worst part of today?” Open questions invite more than a one-word answer.
3Name feelings out loud
“It sounds like that made you really frustrated.” Naming a feeling helps a child feel understood — and builds the words they need to name it themselves.
4Listen more than you fix
The urge to solve it is strong. Try “That sounds really hard — I'm glad you told me” before jumping to advice. Feeling heard is often what they need most.
5Normalize getting help
“Lots of people talk to a counselor when things feel heavy — like seeing a doctor for a sore knee.” Framing help as normal lowers the shame.
6Keep the door open
You don't have to solve it in one talk. “We can talk more any time — I'm always here” tells them the conversation isn't over.
When to seek professional help
Trust your gut. It’s always okay to ask your pediatrician or a therapist — you don’t have to wait for a crisis. Reach out if:
- The change has lasted more than 2 weeks and isn't getting better
- It's getting in the way of school, friendships, or family life
- Your child is talking about death, suicide, or not wanting to be here
- You see self-harm, or signs of it (unexplained cuts or burns)
- There are big changes in eating, sleeping, or weight
- Your child is using alcohol, vaping, or other substances
- Your own gut tells you something is wrong — you know your child best
If it can’t wait
Supporting a child with anxiety, depression, or ADHD
The specifics differ, but the foundation is the same: warmth, predictability, and small steps. Here’s what tends to help — and what to steer around — for each.
Anxiety
What it can look like
- Lots of “what if” worries and reassurance-seeking
- Avoiding situations, places, or people
- Stomachaches, headaches, trouble sleeping
- Meltdowns or freezing when facing a fear
What helps
- Validate the feeling, then gently encourage facing it in small steps
- Teach slow belly breathing and name the worry out loud
- Keep routines predictable; give a heads-up before changes
- Praise brave behavior, not just outcomes
Try to avoid
- Don't remove every hard thing — avoidance makes anxiety grow
- Try not to over-reassure (“you're fine, you're fine”) on a loop
Depression
What it can look like
- Sadness or irritability most days
- Losing interest in things they used to enjoy
- Low energy, changes in sleep or appetite
- Feeling worthless, hopeless, or “too much”
What helps
- Keep connection low-pressure — presence over pep talks
- Help them keep doing small pleasant activities, even when they don't feel like it
- Protect sleep, movement, and time outside
- Take any talk of hopelessness or death seriously and seek help
Try to avoid
- Don't tell them to “just cheer up” or “snap out of it”
- Don't assume it's a phase if it's lasting weeks
ADHD
What it can look like
- Trouble focusing, following steps, or finishing tasks
- Fidgeting, restlessness, blurting, interrupting
- Losing things, forgetting, running late
- Big feelings that come on fast and fade fast
What helps
- Break tasks into small, clear steps; use checklists and timers
- Keep routines and put things in the same place every time
- Catch them being good — specific, immediate praise works best
- Build in movement breaks; work with the energy, not against it
Try to avoid
- Don't pile on long lists of instructions at once
- Try not to read it as “not trying” — the brain works differently
Managing your own stress
Supporting a struggling child is exhausting, and your wellbeing isn’t a luxury — it’s part of the plan. A steadier you is the single biggest thing you can give them.
Put your own oxygen mask on first
You can't pour from an empty cup. Even 10 minutes of something that's yours — a walk, a shower with the door locked, a phone call — refills a little.
Lower the bar on purpose
There is no perfect parent. “Good enough,” consistent, and warm beats perfect and burned out. Let some things be C+ this week.
Name your own feelings
Kids learn to handle emotions by watching you handle yours. Saying “I'm feeling frustrated, so I'm going to take three deep breaths” teaches a skill.
Find your people
Isolation makes everything heavier. A friend, a parent group, or a family resource center can remind you you're not doing this alone.
Repair, don't aim for perfect
Every parent loses it sometimes. Coming back with “I'm sorry I yelled — that wasn't about you” teaches your child that relationships can be mended.