School & learning
Navigating school
School is where kids spend most of their day — and where a lot of mental health shows up first. Here’s how to get your child the support they’re entitled to, and work with the school as a partner.
IEP & 504 plans, in plain language
Both are ways schools give kids extra support — but they're different tools under different laws.
- A 504 plan gives accommodations (changes to how a child learns — extra time, a quiet room, movement breaks) under a civil-rights law.
- An IEP (Individualized Education Program) is a fuller plan with specialized instruction and measurable goals, under the special-education law (IDEA).
- You can request an evaluation in writing at any time — the school can't charge you, and there are timelines they must follow.
- You're an equal member of the team. You can bring notes, ask questions, request another meeting, and disagree.
- Keep a binder: every report, plan, and email in one place. Dates and paper trails matter.
Working with school counselors
School counselors can be a first stop for support — and a bridge to more help.
- Reach out early — you don't need a crisis to ask a counselor to check in with your child.
- Ask what they can offer: short-term check-ins, groups, a safe adult to go to, or referrals out.
- Be clear about what you're seeing at home so they can watch for it at school.
- Ask how they'll loop you in, and how your child can reach them on a hard day.
Bullying prevention
Bullying is repeated, on purpose, and involves a power imbalance. Kids often stay quiet — so how you respond matters.
- Listen calmly first. Reacting with panic or anger can make a child clam up.
- Report in writing to the school and ask about their anti-bullying policy and timeline (NH schools are required to have one).
- Help your child with simple, practiced responses and safe adults to find.
- Watch for warning signs: lost items, not wanting to go to school, stomachaches, changes in mood or sleep.
- Cyberbullying counts too — save screenshots, and know most platforms and schools have reporting tools.
School refusal & anxiety
When a child regularly can't or won't go to school, it's usually about anxiety — not defiance.
- Look for the “why”: separation, social fears, bullying, a learning struggle, or something at home.
- The longer a child avoids, the harder returning gets — gentle, steady return usually beats a long break.
- Work with the school on a step-by-step plan (a half day, a check-in spot, a trusted adult).
- Rule out physical causes with a doctor, then treat the anxiety underneath.
- A therapist who knows anxiety (and CBT) can make a real difference here.
Supporting transitions
New school, new grade, new town, or moving up to middle or high school — transitions are a common time for stress to spike.
- Talk about the change ahead of time and answer the “what will it be like?” questions.
- Visit the new place, walk the route, or meet a teacher before day one if you can.
- Keep some things steady — routines, meals, bedtime — while other things change.
- Name that it's normal to feel nervous and excited at the same time.
- Give it time. Most kids need a few weeks to settle into something new.
A quick word on your rights
Under federal law, your child has the right to a free, appropriate public education — and you have the right to request an evaluation, to be part of the team, and to disagree. In New Hampshire, the Parent Information Center (picnh.org) offers free help understanding IEPs and 504s and preparing for meetings.
Looking for a therapist or children’s provider to coordinate with the school? See New Hampshire resources or find one near you.