Speaking up & being heard
Communication skills builder
Build an “I” statement
A four-part formula for saying something hard without blame — it keeps the focus on your experience and what you need.
Why “I” instead of “you”
Passive → assertive → aggressive
Assertive is the steady middle: honest and direct, but still respectful. See how the same moment sounds three ways.
A coworker keeps interrupting you in meetings.
“I’d like to finish my thought — can I have another minute, then I’d love your take?”
Assertive names the feeling and makes a clear request. This is the one to aim for.
Listening so people feel heard
Communication is half talking, half listening — and the listening half is where trust gets built.
Give your full attention
Put the phone down, turn toward them, make comfortable eye contact. Being listened to is felt before it’s heard.
Reflect back what you hear
“So it sounds like you felt ignored when I was late.” Reflecting shows you’re tracking — and lets them correct you.
Ask, don’t assume
“What was the hardest part for you?” Open questions invite more than a yes or no, and keep you from filling in the blanks wrong.
Let there be silence
A pause isn’t a gap to fill. Give people a moment to find the real thing they want to say.
Validate before you problem-solve
“That makes sense that you’d be upset.” People usually want to feel understood first — solutions land better after that.
Notice the feeling under the words
Anger often sits on top of hurt or fear. Listening for what’s underneath helps you respond to what really matters.
Phrases that cool things down
When a conversation heats up, these can lower the temperature enough to keep talking.
“I want to understand — help me see it from your side.”
“Can we take a short break and come back to this?”
“I think we both want the same thing here.”
“You might be right. Let me think about that.”
“I’m not trying to win — I’m trying to fix this with you.”
“Let’s slow down. What matters most to you right now?”
“I hear that you’re upset, and that’s okay.”
“Can we agree on one thing before we move on?”
Practice
Try building an “I” statement for one of these. There’s no grade — just reps.
A family member comments on what you eat at dinner.
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