Be kinder to yourself
Boundaries workbook
Boundaries aren’t walls
The kinds of boundaries
Most boundaries fall into a handful of areas. You’ll probably find some come easily and others feel harder — that’s normal.
Physical
Your body, your space, your privacy — who gets close, who can touch, what’s yours to keep to yourself.
“I’m not much of a hugger — a wave works for me.”
Emotional
Your feelings are yours and theirs are theirs. You can care about someone without taking on their mood or fixing it for them.
“I want to support you, and I can’t be your only outlet for this right now.”
Time & energy
How you spend your hours and where your energy goes. Saying no to one thing is saying yes to something else.
“I can’t take that on this week — my plate’s full.”
Digital
Texts, calls, and your always-on availability. You get to decide when you’re reachable and when you’re not.
“I put my phone away after 9, so I’ll get back to you in the morning.”
Material & money
Your things and your money — lending, borrowing, and what you’re comfortable sharing.
“I’d rather not lend money between us, but I’m happy to help you look at options.”
Where do your boundaries feel tender?
Rate how true each one feels lately. There are no right answers — just honest ones. Saved on this device.
1. I say yes when I really want to say no.
2. I feel responsible for other people’s feelings.
3. I check my phone the moment it buzzes, even mid-conversation.
4. When someone’s in a bad mood, I catch it and carry it around.
5. I overcommit, then feel stretched thin and resentful.
6. I go along with hugs or closeness I’m not really comfortable with.
7. I feel anxious if I don’t reply to a message right away.
8. I lend money or things even when it leaves me short or uneasy.
9. I apologize for things that aren’t actually my fault.
10. I put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own rest.
0 of 10 answered — fill them all in to see your readout.
Practice the words
Saying a boundary out loud is easier when you’ve drafted it first. For each scene, write what you’d say — then peek at a gentle-but-firm example.
A coworker keeps dumping work on you
They swing by again with “just one more thing” — and it’s always one more thing.
Show an example
“I want to help where I can, but I’m at capacity today. I won’t be able to take this one on. If it’s urgent, let’s ask about priorities together.”
A parent drops by unannounced
They mean well, but the surprise visits leave you scrambling.
Show an example
“I love seeing you — and it works so much better for me when we plan it. Can you give me a call before you head over next time?”
A friend texts constantly and expects instant replies
Your phone lights up all day, and the pressure to answer fast is wearing on you.
Show an example
“I really value our friendship. I can’t always reply right away during the day, so if I go quiet it’s not about you — I’ll get back to you when I can.”
Someone pushes on a topic you don’t want to discuss
They keep circling back to something you’ve made clear you’d rather leave alone.
Show an example
“I’d rather not get into this one. I know you’re curious, and it’s just not something I want to talk about. Let’s change the subject.”
Build your boundary, one piece at a time
Fill in each part and watch your statement come together below. An “I” statement keeps it honest and hard to argue with.
Your boundary
One small step
Pairs well with
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