Be kinder to yourself
Relationship health check-in
How this works
One important thing, first
How you talk to each other
Rate how true each feels lately. There are no right answers — go with your gut.
I feel heard when I share something hard.
We can disagree without it becoming a fight.
We repair after an argument — we don’t just go cold.
I feel safe being honest about how I really feel.
I feel appreciated for the things I do.
I bite my tongue to keep the peace.
When things get tense, one of us shuts down or walks off.
We keep score, or bring up old hurts in new arguments.
Your conflict style
When things get hard, how do you tend to show up? Pick the option closest to your honest first instinct.
When something they did upsets me, I usually…
In the heat of an argument, I tend to…
When I have a need in the relationship, I…
If they’re upset with me, my first instinct is to…
After a disagreement, I most often…
The phrase closest to how I argue is…
Repair attempts to keep in your pocket
Small gestures that lower the temperature mid-argument. Even a clumsy repair counts — it’s the reaching that matters.
Listening so the other person feels it
Being heard is often what people are really after in a fight.
- 1Put the phone down and turn toward them — attention is the whole thing.
- 2Reflect back what you heard before you respond: “So what I’m hearing is…”
- 3Ask “Did I get that right?” and let them adjust it.
- 4Listen to understand, not to reply — you don’t have to be building your rebuttal.
- 5Validate before you problem-solve: “That makes sense that you’d feel that way.”
Say the hard thing, kindly
An “I feel… when… because…” statement keeps you honest without putting them on the defensive. Fill in the blanks and watch it come together.
Your statement
I feel ___ when ___ because ___.
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