Be kinder to yourself
Speaking-up scripts
Three tools, one conversation
The situation
What conversation are you preparing for? One line is plenty.
DEAR MAN
Getting your needs met · making a request · saying no
DEAR MAN helps you ask for something (or turn something down) clearly and confidently, so you’re more likely to be heard. DEAR is what you say; MAN is how you carry it.
Describegoes on the card
Describe the facts — just what happened, no judgment.
Stick to what a camera would see. No interpretations yet.
Expressgoes on the card
Express how you feel about it, using “I” statements.
Own your feeling — “I feel…”, not “You make me…”.
Assertgoes on the card
Assert what you want — ask clearly, or say no clearly.
Don’t make them guess. Say the actual ask out loud.
Reinforcegoes on the card
Reinforce — explain the payoff for them of saying yes.
What’s in it for them? Or a simple thank-you in advance.
Mindful
Mindful — how will you stay on point if they push back?
Plan your “broken record”: calmly repeat your ask, don’t get pulled off-topic.
Appear confident
Appear confident — how will you hold yourself?
Steady voice, eye contact, no over-apologizing. Fake it a little if needed.
Negotiate
Negotiate — what could you offer or accept as a middle ground?
Be willing to give a little to get a little. Know your bottom line.
You’re allowed to ask
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